Made in Pakistan

Apparently the Japanese, not satisfied with their current reputation for weirdness, have invented a jacket with a built-in fan. Sooner or later, these jackets will make their way here, and I would like to predict some of the reactions that will take place.
Firstly, there will be a tremendous controversy over whether or not it is allowed to say one's prayers in these jackets. The religious consensus will be that it is not, as the flow of cool air over the body leads to seductive thoughts and sensations.
Second, a gold and diamond encrusted fan jacket will be impounded at customs and the government will claim it belongs to Asif Zardari, who will deny ownership. The jacket will be custom made for an anonymous buyer and will have a diamond studded monogram that says Asif luvs Bibi.
Third, a small factory in Gujranwala will invent a cheap version of the same jacket, but its battery will only last five minutes and will electrocute half of those wearing it as soon as they start to sweat. Every middle class house will buy the jackets along with a special storage cupboard with an in-built UPS recharger. However, the fad will soon wear off due to the fact that unlike the Japanese, no one will use or replace the deodorant stick provided along with the jacket.
There is no doubt about this nation's genius at indigenizing foreign imports. Everything that turns up here ends up looking very different. The neatest Mercedes truck, within six weeks of entry looks like a bride with full makeup and jewellery. The most tasteless, pork encrusted Chinese dish becomes sedately halal and wickedly spiced. Even the new multinational offices that appeared to have been designed and manufactured in San Diego, are slowly wilting in our damp climate.
When they first started, they were all chrome furniture, video screens and sharp suits. But of late I have noticed subtle changes, the video screens now only play cricket, there are scraps of waste paper and broken ball pens lying around. And finally, the unmistakable sign i.e., that nearly all of them have acquired a resident 'taki wala' who spends the whole day slowly pushing a wet rag around the room, taking a break after every five feet. This inevitability of change leads me to wonder how the new prime minister will appear once he starts becoming indigenous. But by the time our 'aab-o-hawa' is finished with changing him, I suspect he will not be able to use a cash machine at his former bank without setting off a fire alarm.
Somehow, I imagine him ending up somewhere between a Bedford truck and Schezuan Chicken dish i.e., heavily made up and spicy. Already, he has paraded his religious credentials, which is a good though obvious start.
I think that as a next step, he should start wearing a subtle line of surma under the eyes especially when appearing in parliament. Next he could borrow Fazalur Rehman's orange pugri and Karzai's ... well .. drape. I would not recommend he borrow anything from the Benazir wardrobe. The possibilities are endless and I am sure that the outcome will be a success. Of course, he will need to be careful because if he is too successful in becoming an indigenous prime minister, he will end up hung, in jail, or in exile in Saudi Arabia.
To end up, there is an old joke which shows that the talent for indigenizing is spread all over the sub-continent. It seems that at one point, American scientists invented a wire 100 times thinner than the human hair. Not to be outdone, Japanese scientists immediately invented a wire 100 times thinner than the American one.
A few weeks later, a Sardarji held a news conference at his motorcycle workshop near Amritsar and announced that he had outdone both parties. When asked for proof, he showed two extremely thin wires. Journalists objected that these were in fact American and Japanese wires. But the Sardarji produced a microscope and it turned out that though the wires were imported, he had managed to write 'made in India' on both of them.